So I definitely totally had a rather lengthy 1:1 with Michael today. We did business stuff first and then he inquired about my internship search, and somewhere in there we managed to get on how networking and talking to people in general is a huge downfall of mine.
You know what he said?!? Something that I myself have thought...If I continue the way that I am, then I will end up old and alone, and who wants that? who needs that? who can handle that? Clearly I have plans...I have hopes for a future...and I hate that so much is hinging upon me being able to hold conversations with people. People I don't know...and large groups of them. Uh....this seriously stresses me out. It stresses my life out...and everyone I talk to says basically that it's all my fault things are the way they are and if I want to change it, it's as easy as just doing something to fix it. I have to go out there and mingle and be ok with what may happen. This is definitely one of those areas where I want to succeed. I don't like failing...and I feel like this is one of those areas I can work and partially control...control more so than like relationships and all that jazz. They're work relationships/friendships...those are a lot less hurtful that I think romantic relationships...so quite honestly I want to put my best me forward, and be able to go toe to toe with the best of them, and I don't feel like that's who I am....
hold on...I don't even know what I am saying...I'm freaking scared that I honestly have nothing to talk about and nothing worth listening to...so if I were to say something no one would take notice or pay attention...and that's definitely damaging to the soul. Ahh....I hate being such a coward.
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