I think I'm gonna stop trying...

...I mean I'm sure the world knows that I am not huge on communication. One might hear from me once a month, or in some cases once every six months...depends on how school is going and my sleep cycle. But I'm actually in the same space as you. I'm here, and I actually attempt to contact you. Do I call? No, b/c I don't call. But I text and I'm available...and I get nothing. Am I mad about it? No, mad isn't really the word, I'm just a little disappointed. I knew I was number 2, and that's to be expected. I totally get that. But I'm slowly feeling as though being number two means being about 7 laps behind number 1, if we were running a race...and there's no way I'm going to catch up. I don't like the idea of being a quitter, but honestly right now I'm tired. I'm tired from my own daily dealings, and worrying about my standings with you is just adding stress to what I'd hoped would be a relatively stress free summer, and it's draining, so I'm just gonna not. I'm not going to care anymore; I'm not going to initiate anymore; I'm just not. Whatever is supposed to  happen will, and that's it. I've decreased in importance for you and on top of that I'm convinced number 1 doesn't want me in your life (which I'm gonna say I don't actually care about b/c the constant bigoted commentary was wearing my patience thin). If that works for you, it is what it is, and I'm going to have to be ok with it. I've never wanted an either-or type deal...I just feel like there needs to be balance...but that doesn't seem like it's in the realm of possibilities. I don't want to seem jealous or unreasonable or just an all around bad friend. I want the best for you and I want you to be happy. And you are...so I'm good with whatever. Besides that, I honestly have never been one to fight a losing battle, so number 1, it's simple. You win. I give up.