I think I'm gonna stop trying...

...I mean I'm sure the world knows that I am not huge on communication. One might hear from me once a month, or in some cases once every six months...depends on how school is going and my sleep cycle. But I'm actually in the same space as you. I'm here, and I actually attempt to contact you. Do I call? No, b/c I don't call. But I text and I'm available...and I get nothing. Am I mad about it? No, mad isn't really the word, I'm just a little disappointed. I knew I was number 2, and that's to be expected. I totally get that. But I'm slowly feeling as though being number two means being about 7 laps behind number 1, if we were running a race...and there's no way I'm going to catch up. I don't like the idea of being a quitter, but honestly right now I'm tired. I'm tired from my own daily dealings, and worrying about my standings with you is just adding stress to what I'd hoped would be a relatively stress free summer, and it's draining, so I'm just gonna not. I'm not going to care anymore; I'm not going to initiate anymore; I'm just not. Whatever is supposed to  happen will, and that's it. I've decreased in importance for you and on top of that I'm convinced number 1 doesn't want me in your life (which I'm gonna say I don't actually care about b/c the constant bigoted commentary was wearing my patience thin). If that works for you, it is what it is, and I'm going to have to be ok with it. I've never wanted an either-or type deal...I just feel like there needs to be balance...but that doesn't seem like it's in the realm of possibilities. I don't want to seem jealous or unreasonable or just an all around bad friend. I want the best for you and I want you to be happy. And you are...so I'm good with whatever. Besides that, I honestly have never been one to fight a losing battle, so number 1, it's simple. You win. I give up.

I need to see someone about this

Ok, so today I went to a webinar about Involuntary Withdrawal policies...bringing them to campuses and how schools can make sure they use them properly and avoid potential lawsuits and such. Well over the course of listening to that webinar and talking through a few things, I came back to my office and began seriously thinking about getting a law degree to supplement the degree I will have come may, the degree I'll be able to start in 3 years and my work in general. It's like...if I know the legal ramifications of the work, plus have the abilites to be a liscenced psychologist I could seriously be a force to be reckoned with and be able to offer my students, clients, or whatever the best possible assistance b/c I'd have all my bases covered essentially...but as I'm looking around at program offerrings...I was actually looking for a JD/PhD program that allowed me to decide what the PhD would be in and I could go there...perfect...it'd be 6 years rather than 8 to get both degrees...but the only place that has that is Columbia, and I don't like their psych program...boo...but Carolina has a law school and they have the PhD program I want to take...so technically I could start that program and get some work done at the same time and then finish that program in time to start my PhD progran....as I'm thinking of all of this, and I actually found and did the first 5 questions of an LSAT practice test (I got them all right btw)...I'm now realizing that I have a serious problem. Is there anything wrong with wanting to get education? Absolutely not...but do I feel like there has to be some strange reason why I'm actually a bit exhausted when it comes to school, but I can't bring myself to be okay with the whole I'll have to have a job in a little under a year. Ugh...I will work on this...'cause seriously...I fear it is a bit of a problem.  : (