I'm so gonna punch...

...that guy in his face. He is seriously getting on my nerves. Who knew one individual could cause so much drama and I've never met him before. Ugh. I don't know wha his problem is, but seriously I want for him not to have my email address, and not to have my phone number and not to be calling me from more than one number. He's supposed to be a real professional...what is his problem?!?

k...done with that...

I hope I'm not that person...

....who brings you down....like so far down, just by being them. Like I hope that when I'm in a sour mood, I don't just bring a giant gray cloud everywhere I go...making others feel just as disgusting as I feel. Cause right now...no, not right now...any time I'm dealing with CM or ED when they're upset or something...I just feel...I don't want to be around them. It physically makes me feel bad, and I just really want to get away...after attempting to cheer up a few times and I fail with them...I just throw in the towel and really want to slap them and be like, get over yourselves!

So going with that whole, the people around you reflect you...does that mean...that when I deal with CM/ED I'm really dealing with me, and that's how I make others feel?!? I pray not. Cause honestly....I can see why I can count my friends (real friends) on 1 hand. In my head I say it's selectivity...but if I behave much like CM/ED then it's not really that...it's more like I'm too much of an irritant to be around so others distance themselves.

I think all this alone time is starting to get to me. That on top of I'm tired of not having, or not feeling like I have a person to talk to here. A real live person that is. I have so much going on in my world. So many words whirlling around. So many questions. So many thoughts...and they're just dying to come out...and they can't b/c no one will listen long enough to get them there. And then when I finally get someone's attention...I don't let it all out 'cause I don't want it to seem as though all I really want to do is hear myself talk. That's not the case...I really just need to get it all out...but no one will let me. AHH

Ok...I'm gonna be done with this right now.

In exactly 6 days from today I'm going to dinner with myself and to a movie with myself to see the new JLo flick, "The Back-up Plan". I'm so freaking excited. I'm totally jumping for joy and screaming all at once (not really, but I want to).

Then, 6 days after that, classes are officially over.

Theb, 5 days after that I have the 1 "final" that I have...in class

Then, 2 days after than my last assignment is due.

Then, 2 days after that I see my BDB and good friend Dawn graduate

Then, 2 days after that I get in my car for I'll be heading home.

Then, 2 days, on May 11th, I'll be HOME!

So, in summary...that's 12 days 'til no school, 19 days 'til no class work, and 23 days 'til I'm heading home, and 25 days 'til I'm actually there. I can't wait.

Ok, I'm sleepy...goona go...and worry about my 12 days.....

I wish I could fix everything...

...but I can't....and it kills me.

...

I'm different. I'm not sure if this is a bad different...or a good different...or just different...but that that I do know is that I am, or at least I feel different. I'm sitting in class and granted being in class I"m never over the moon happy, but right now I definitely, totally not doing ok. I know a part of that was lingering from yesterday. I just got back into town. Gainesville was super sucky...como siempre. But it really, really just makes me want to scream and holler